Michigan and Blue Christmas Lights

Before I say anything else, I will tell you that while this story is true, I don't ever intend to try to repeat it as it is incredibly embarrassing and, naturally, is quite upsetting/embarrassing to my poor husband. 

   Saturday was Seth Haley's wedding (http://www.sethhaley.com/blog/) in Michigan. Due to several different problems, the only Yoders from our area who actually were able to travel the five hours there to spend a few hours at a wedding were Maria and myself. Unfortunately I started my day late and she was out loading black walnuts on a semi and so we left 20 minutes later than we had hoped to. When you're working with just enough time to get there, that's a bad start.
   Maria suggested that maybe "we could speed a little" and so step on it we did. My skirt had some slightly greasy spots on it and so I had washed it quickly before I left. Hanging it to dry in the back seat of my truck was an easy option. Unfortunately I forgot that my gift was wrapped in a red cotton throw rug. Halfway there when Maria went to move it to assure complete drying, she found a red line across the lower half of the skirt. We pondered the fact that the only skirt I had brought to wear to the wedding now was two-tone, and then forgot it when we got off the highway, because...
   Due to the fact that I am directionally challenged and do not own a GPS, I had printed out exact directions to the place. The problem with GoogleMaps is that they don't know when a bridge is out and a detour has to be made. We tried to find our way,calling Blake every so often while he followed our progress on the computer. "We are just north of ...." "Ok your road is a couple miles ahead on the left." Our problem came when the town had road names and the computer only gave us road numbers. We promptly missed our road and  ended up at the square in town. Deciding that at this point the convenience store manager could give better directions, we asked. "Turn right at the light. Seven miles north on the same road." Halfway there Blake insisted we were going the wrong way. We turned around, noting that we had not quite 25 minutes to spare. Choosing to change when we got back to the light on the square rather than to find the wedding late and then change, we rushed into the closest place we could find, backpacks in hand. "Welcome to Subway, how can we help you?" We forgot to notice them and ran to the bathroom. Our clean clothes got thrown on, mine being a short summer skirt that didn't have new maroon lines. Maria combed her hair and I ran back to the truck and combed mine there. Coming back into Subway to find Maria, I filled in the little lady behind the counter on our crazy behavior and asked whether we truly had been correct about the direction of this town hall. She was pretty sure we were right so out the door we ran. Unfortunately we got in line at the light behind someone who was in no hurry at all and he felt that he needed to go well under the town's 25 mile an hour speed limit. I wondered if possibly he was deciding whether to pull off the side of the road and was having trouble making such a choice. Deciding quickly that double yellow lines mean "Pass with care", I stepped on it. The poor man looked mad.
   Maria was frantically trying to get her nylons on without getting a run and I tried to console her that SHE was not the one who needed to hurry here. I had to get us there in the ten minutes or less that the clocks were probably showing- we hadn't taken the time to look. Feeling quite in control of the wheel and finding that the gas pedal could go down a lot further, we started covering some ground- fast. The speed limit increased to 55. That was comforting. A line of traffic was coming towards us and I let out my latest thought. "I really hope I don't get a ticket!" Maria looked in her mirror at that moment. We both got the same sinking feeling as we saw pretty blue lights come over the hill behind us. I mean, they would have been pretty if they hadn't been on the top of a cop car, right behind us. I pulled over and Maria reminded me that we'd better grab our forgotten seat belts.
   Of course he took his sweet time to come up to my window. I took the time to find my sandals under the back seat, remembering the my driver's ed class taught how your hands ought to be on the steering wheel out of politeness for the policeman - I think was the reason... Something to do with the fact that he could be reassured I wasn't going to pull a gun on him. Anyway when he finally sauntered to my window, he said the most unfitting thing. "How we doing today?" "Not very great!" I blurted out and then continued on with the whole information how we are late and we don't know if we're going the right way... "Is that why you were driving like an animal?" I told him I guessed so. He started in on me, explaining that I had passed on a double yellow line (me, sinking feeling in my stomach, thinking "No way, you saw that?!), then went on to explain that I was driving very recklessly and how he even had a hard time catching up to me! I wanted to tell him that he must not have been driving very fast, but I bit my tongue. He pointed to Maria and asked who she was. I told him "That's Maria, my sister- in -law". That was the point when she almost waved a very polite hi-nice-to-meet-you-please-let-us-go wave but instead held her hand in her lap. He reminded me sternly that she is special to someone and that I was driving like a crazy animal. Maria wished I would have gone "Moo!". I didn't. Then he asked where we were trying to go and, I, almost in tears, stated the town hall name and how we were getting all sorts of conflicting directions and how there was this stupid detour and so we scrapped our directions a while ago... he pressed me for the exact address and we finally pulled the directions out from under our hairbrushes, dirty socks, chocolate milk, and purses that had found their way to the middle seat. He took my information as well, and told me again that he had a hard time catching up with me and when he did, here I was just 5'2"! (Later in recounting the story to a friend, she said "That's discrimination! You mean short people can't speed?!). He informed me that he had to go put my information in and he would try to find out where we were headed, but I was just going to have to wait about five minutes. I took the time to grab my mascara, text my husband, and make sure my clothes were all tucked in. Maria took the time to decide whether we could get a picture with him. I declined, with the excuse that I didn't think that was legal. I was thinking how I had been speeding, a lot, AND I had passed in that 'pass with care' zone. This wasn't looking good for my wallet. Or my license for that matter!
   He came back, handed me my information and sternly said "Follow me". I didn't dare do anything else. We pulled out and Maria died laughing in the seat next to me. "We are getting a police escort!" and then she laughed some more. We realized we didn't get a ticket and then noticed again that we were getting a police escort. My foot starting shaking frantically and I told Maria that I did not find this funny, and she laughed uncontrollably. Having been told that we were supposed to stay on that road, we were surprised to see him turn off, but we followed and a quarter mile down the road, there was the building. He did a U-ey in the road ahead of us, waved, and drove off. We pulled the truck off the road in the first parking spot we could find and ran into the building. The wedding party was standing there, ready to walk in. (Of course they had witnessed our escort!) We slipped in just in front of them. Yep, we made it. In the nick of time. Guess we wouldn't have if we wouldn't have gotten stopped. We would have been farther up that other road searching for a non-existent building. The only thing that would have made it better would be if he would have escorted us with his lights on... We'll try that next time. Wait. I don't plan to ever try to re-enact that. I'll let Maria drive next time. :)